Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
