my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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