i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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