In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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