you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I could make wine with my vomit
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
