come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
