Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
