I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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