yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
