I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
