apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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