just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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