God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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