So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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