cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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