i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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