ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
