I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
