dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
