I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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