you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
