How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
