Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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