I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All I want is dick and wine.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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