I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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