There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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