my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
