I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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