there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
