This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
they're like a gay fantastic four
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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