My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
