I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
