i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
