i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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