Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
