Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
