party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
