so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
