I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
