his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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