Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
