I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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