shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
