he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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