a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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