I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
