i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I die, sorry about rent.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
