You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
