Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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