I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
