grandma shit on top of the toilet
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
