You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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