well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
