i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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