if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
