My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
