Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Pants 0. Shit 1.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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