If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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