I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
