I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
40s are totally the cure
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
