Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
