I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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